The Etiquette of Farting Like a Lady – Guest Post

The Etiquette of Farting Like a Lady l Guest Post l mum-bo-jumbo.comI am pleased to share with you a guest post from fellow blogger, Jennifer from Nanna’s Wisdom. This hilarious post about the etiquette of farting like a lady is bound to sit true with many of us.

I hope you enjoy this light hearted and educational post as much as I did!

Kelly


 

Ladies Do Not Fart!

Yeah right! I was bought up to believe from a very young age that ladies or little girls do not fart, they passed wind but there was etiquette attached to this normal bodily  function.

I remember years ago when I was maybe 5 or 6 traveling in my grandparent’s car and my big brother, who is a year older than me. let one rip. Well Nanna was not amused and she wanted to know “who had opened their lunch box” . 

Neither of us had “opened our lunch box” – they were in the boot of the car! Geez my Nanna said some funny things.  My brother admitted to farting and was instantly told that fart was not a nice word.

Needless to say my brother thought it was hilarious. I think my Grandad was thinking along the same lines as he had a huge grin on his face as if to say “Good on you boy! You have broken new ground here by farting in front of your Nanna”.

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The Etiquette of Farting Like a Lady

  • The very first rule is to not use the word fart but you may use pop off, pass gas, break wind, fluff, lunch box (not that lunch box again) or bull frog. Yes, bull frog is an acceptable word to replace fart especially when a fart sounds like a bull frog!
  • When in company and you feel like a fart is about to happen, you must quickly leave the room without drawing attention to yourself. Saying “Doris I need to go break some wind I shall be back in a moment” is drawing attention to yourself.
  • Do not fart in front of a new partner. That should be left until after you have a ring on your finger. There is no shame or secrets then.

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  • If you are in an elevator you must hold and hold. As sure as eggs it will be smelly and loud and there will be no escape from the piercing eyes of the people now choking around you. Save embarrassment and clamp your cheeks. This rule applies to any enclosed small space that you have company in.
  • At home rules are different. If you are alone then you may fart at will, loudly, silently or smelly: it does not matter. Only the cat or dog will know what you’ve done.

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  • The supermarket is another area that has certain etiquette and is similar to the elevator. Okay, so you’re alone in the aisle and you fart only for every man and his dog to enter the aisle at that moment. They will smell your fart and stare at you in disgust. After all, it was you and you alone in the aisle.  If you have a small child with you, you may say something like “Phew was that you?” This will distract people to the fact it was you! Saving face.
  • Buses and trains are crowded and noisy. They are the sort of place you can get away with a fart. No one will hear you, they may smell it but that is okay as there are so many people who could have done it!
  • Please do not force a fart. Sometimes they might follow with a mess and put you in an awkward position.

Image Credit Memecenter.com

  • Never ever fart at the dinner table, especially when eating curried eggs and cabbage!
  • If you fart and have been heard , simply say “pardon me” and carry on as if nothing happened.

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So many rules have changed in our modern world that I don’t have any further advice on fart etiquette.

These days we are able to fart freely without embarrassment as it is a normal bodily function. It will always be an awesome topic for school boys, grown men and even some women.

Men and boys are loud and proud farters while most women are silent deadly assassins.

Who are you? I always like the idea of being an incognito assassin. Who me? No, that was the cat. Snicker, snicker!

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Comments

  1. I’m an out in the open farter. It’s more room out than it is in. I do hold it in elevators though. I made the mistake of faring on my husband’s and I first date.
    Natasha invites you to read their latest post: Rain in a jarMy Profile

    • Oh Natasha, that is hilarious!! What was your husband’s reaction? He can’t have minded too much, he married you. Thanks for popping by!

  2. Kelly thank you for the opportunity to guest post for you, I hope your readers have a chuckle!
    Jennifer Abel invites you to read their latest post: Passionfruit SliceMy Profile

  3. I am dying laughing here, so true, so true!!! Ps, I read your other article and you have an error amd instead of and third paragraph down 😉

    Ok back to passing gas, this is brilliant and I remember the first time one slipped in front of the husband, and he looks at me and says ” I know you do it, we all do but some things need to remain a mystery” Mine remain a mystery….. Hehehe…. For all family members except the dog, she knows when I am home alone… Well, you know :)

    xoxoxo
    BritishMumUSA invites you to read their latest post: Setting Goals & Achieving GoalsMy Profile

    • Thanks for the heads up – typo fixed. I was told about this the other day but to be honest have been busy with Mummy stuff so just hadn’t had a chance to amend it. My bad.

      Hahahahaha! Your husband had a great comeback. I always say better out than in however how they come out depends on where I am and who is around! Thanks for stopping by

  4. Hilarious!!! Very well written.
    Suzi T invites you to read their latest post: GERALDTON YOUTH – YES WE CANMy Profile

  5. Too funny! Yes my husband say women are not allowed to fart! Hahahaha and any time he passes gas he will say “there must be a duck in here”

    • Hi Samantha, thanks for stopping by! Haha, your husband is funny! I haven’t heard that one before, “A duck in there” but that’s a good one. I am glad you enjoyed this post.

  6. Haha, we are a family with some food intolerances and weird digestive issues… needless to say there is quite a bit of farting going on!!

    We have the standard “pop”, but then there’s also the “creaky gate”, the “noisy duck”, and the “motorbikes in your pants”.
    Fart jokes are always gold :)
    Mumma McD invites you to read their latest post: How to have a Dairy Free EasterMy Profile

  7. I just pretend it was one of my kids – always… Actually my 3 year old is so proud of farting that works in my favour because she’ll claim ownership of farts that weren’t even hers.

    Though I hate when I have quietly walked out of a room to pass wind in private – and I’m followed….. or worse… they follow immediately *after* it’s happened. I think it’s good etiquette to not say a word about any possible smells if followed someone out of the room when they only left so they could fart.

    • Haha Rachel! I know that feeling, my son thinks farts are the funniest thing in the world! And I agree, if you are following someone who is clearly making an exit and you walk into their fart – it is your own fault. Choke quietly! Haha! Thanks for popping by

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