I am a Ninja Mum by Night

 

When you become a parent, you soon learn the things that work in your house and the things that don’t work. Parenting is a balancing act rife with trial and error. At the end of the day, the only right way to be a parent is the way that suits you, your family and your lifestyle.

My son is almost two. For the purposes of this article I will refer to him as Tweety Bird Toddler. He is cute, acts innocent in times of guilt and attempts to push the boundaries to work the system in his favour. In other words he is a typical toddler.

The one part of our routine that I generally have very little trouble with is sleep time. During the day, down he goes without a fight. I can vacuum, play music, put on a load of clothes to be washed, have a shower – all the normal household sounds. At night time, I’ll read his bed time story and down he goes however I have learnt we cannot make normal household sounds at night time. If we do, he is instantly awake. Even a sound as normal as flushing the toilet will wake him. Frustratingly, this sound doesn’t seem to bother him during his day sleep….

I cannot be the only parent that feels somewhat relieved when the kids are in bed. This small chunk of time at the end of the day without constant demands can often be blissful. It certainly is in my household, on the proviso that I do not make a sound. As soon as Tweety Bird Toddler is in bed, I become a ninja. The trouble is, my husband is a FIFO worker and is away from home regularly. As you will read in the following account, which is a number of actual events combined into one, he hasn’t quite mastered the whole ninja by night thing… For this reason, he will now be referred to as Kung Fu Panda for the remainder of this post.

Ninja Mum by Night

Mum-bo-Jumbo: Ninja Mum by Night

 

 

Ninja Mum By Night

  • Ninja Mum puts Tweety Bird Toddler to bed
  • Creeps out silently to go and relax
  • Kung Fu Panda thumps down hallway
  • Opens creaky laundry door
  • Ninja Mum holds breath
  • Tweety Bird Toddler cries out
  • Kung Fu Panda slams laundry door
  • Ninja Mum is calm on the outside but screaming profanities on the inside
  • Tweety Bird Toddler becomes more hysterical
  • Ninja Mum glides to the bedroom like a ballerina on a cloud
  • Calms Tweety Bird Toddler until he starts to fall back asleep
  • Ninja Mum makes mental map of exit route from bedroom
  • Tip toes gently towards the door
  • Unknowingly off course from escape route
  • Kicks toe on end of bed
  • Ninja Mum doubled over in silent pain
  • Toe throbbing with arms flapping in the darkness to get bearings
  • Visualises amended escape route
  • Ninja Mum wishes she ate more carrots
  • Manoeuvres towards door about to escape
  • Kung Fu Panda noisily lifts toilet seat next door
  • Ninja Mum freezes like a statue not even breathing
  • Niagara Falls
  • Kung Fu Panda slams toilet seat back down
  • Ninja Mum pleased toilet seat is back down
  • Toilet flushes
  • Tweety Bird Toddler stirs before waking up crying
  • Ninja Mum whispers reassuringly from bedroom door, “It is ok. I am still here”
  • Tweety Bird Toddler insists on touching Ninja Mum
  • Ninja Mum moves back towards bed
  • Knee bones crack in un-ninja like fashion
  • Tweety Bird Toddler grabs Ninja Mum’s hand
  • Rolls over still clutching hand, promptly falls asleep
  • Ninja Mum is trapped
  • Ninja Mum slowly removes arm little by little from Tweety Bird Toddler trap
  • Escape route visualised and triple checked to reduce risk of kicking other toe
  • Ninja Mum shuffles silently towards door like a tiger stalking its prey
  • Arrives at door
  • Hand on door handle
  • Kung Fu Panda shouts out, “Ninja Mum! Where are you?”
  • Ninja Mum sends mental telepathy messages to Kung Fu Panda
  • SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP
  • Tweety Bird Toddler shouts, “Muuuuummmm!!”
  • Escape mission aborted
  • Ninja Mum wishes she could do a Bruce Lee move on Kung Fu Panda
  • Ninja Mum still trapped in darkness
  • Tweety Bird Toddler eventually falls asleep
  • Ninja Mum triple jumps out the bedroom – hop, step, jump in absolute silence
  • Kung Fu Panda is tired and heading to bed
  • Ninja Mum is finally going to go and relax
  • Kung Fu Panda slams bedroom door
  • Ninja Mum freezes in hallway
  • Peaches the Teen Queen, opens her bedroom door deliriously
  • Asks what is going on
  • Ninja Mum uses frantic sign language indicating silence
  • Blank look from Peaches
  • Death stare from Ninja Mum
  • Peaches retreats back into bedroom
  • Slams door
  • Ninja Mum hyperventilates, waiting
  • Nothing
  • Silence
  • Tweety Bird Toddler is finally fast asleep
  • Ninja Mum gives up and goes to bed
  • Strips off Ninja Suit
  • Can’t wait to wake up as normal Mum in the morning

Do you have to change household behaviour at night time? Are you a Ninja Mum by Night?

Epic Mommy Adventures

Comments

  1. This was entertaining to read and I could totally relate! I’m dealing with this with my youngest, who just turned 3. My six year old is easy, he’s knocked out usually after five minutes of laying his head on the pillow and is out for the whole night. I’m guest-hosting at Turn It Up Tuesday and am choosing this post as my favorite for the week so check back this coming link up to see it! http://b-is4.blogspot.com Also, now following on Twitter :)

    • I am so glad you could relate, Bernadyn. It is good to know that I am not the only Ninja Mum out there… Thanks so much for choosing this as your favourite for Turn it up Tuesday – I am thrilled! I look forward to seeing you all again this week!

  2. I can totally relate. What has worked for us is having soft music play in their room while we’re still awake to cover up all of those sounds. They don’t disappear, but it’s definitely lessened. I use Spotify ~ one of their sleep stations. I started out using Pandora, but every few songs, they popped in with a commercial, which also woke them up. Good luck! Thanks for sharing with Turn it Up Tuesday.
    April invites you to read their latest post: Showing Kindness with Creative Style {18}My Profile

    • What a great idea! I hadn’t even thought to try music. Thanks so much for sharing your suggestion with me. I am looking forward to going through all the links again at this week’s Turn it up Tuesday!

  3. I can relate to this too. For me it’s the early morning hours when I’m trying to a stay as quiet as possible to get some blogging done. However, my husband doesn’t seem to realize how loud he can be so he often wakes up our kids before I finish my work.
    Sonya invites you to read their latest post: Crocs Buy One, Get One 50% OffMy Profile

    • I am so glad I am not alone in being a Ninja Mum! When I wrote this post, I showed it to my husband before it went live. He laughed then asked me why I had never told him he was so noisy. Thing is, I do tell him. Every. Time. Hahaha!!

  4. Omg… i have a Kung Fu Panda in my house too.. especially when sneaking out the front for a smoke. and slams the door.. kids come running from all angles thinking we are heading out without them lol . ive mastered our door… men dont think they are as stealth as Mum…EVER

  5. Thank you for linking up to http://www.anothercentsaved.com/turn-it-up-tuesday-oct-7-thru-oct-14-link-party/. We are all definitely ninja’s. Hope to see you again soon :)
    Laura (Another Cent Saved) invites you to read their latest post: Redken Color Extend Magnetics Shampoo & Conditioner Giveaway Ends 10/24/14My Profile

    • Thanks for reading, Laura! I have thoroughly enjoyed going through all the links on this week’s Turn it Up Tuesday and look forward to seeing the next batch!

  6. I love this so much! What is wrong with our Kung Fu Pandas? Do they not get the “we need to be DEATHLY quiet” if we are to enjoy life thing? This was so perfect!
    Leilani invites you to read their latest post: You might be a Mommy-criteMy Profile

  7. Haahaa that is hilarious but so true at the same time. You will have to have a word to Kung Fu Panda so he knows to be quiet. Same thing used to happen in our household. Btw i felt that sore toe…ouch!

    • Thanks for stopping by Tammy! “Kung Fu Panda” wasn’t too keen on this post when he first read it but later laughed. He also asked me why I have never told him he was so noisy… I have and do. Every single time! Hahaha

  8. How exciting to see my post was also selected to feature in this week’s B-Inspired Mama “Mama Reads Monday”!

Trackbacks

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  8. […] For another humourous story about stuff my husband does, I recommend you read the post, “I am a Ninja Mum by Night”. […]

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